pertwk Chapter 29 A Girl's Thoughts
Chapter 29 A Girl's Thoughts
She had second thoughts again and approached the female director once more.
"Ms. Catherine, I want to... quit."
"Honey, what's wrong? Did something happen?"
Catherine held a cigarette between her fingers; the burning tobacco even had a slightly herbal fragrance in the air.
She gently patted Ning Wantang's back and spoke with tender concern.
Ning Wantang lowered her head, her fingers tightly intertwined.
She already felt that her act of deserting the mission was irresponsible, and Catherine's gentle attitude only made her feel even more guilty.
"Is the pressure too much?" Catherine turned around, picked up a cigarette case from the table, took out a cigarette and handed it to Ning Wantang. "Want one? You're an adult now anyway."
Ning Wantang shook her head: "No...no, I can't."
Catherine didn't insist and put the cigarette back into the cigarette case.
Her intention wasn't to make Ning Wantang smoke; she just wanted to find a reason to get her to speak. In her view, as long as Ning Wantang could still speak, it meant that her emotional problems weren't too serious.
She had seen actors driven to madness, and compared to them, Ning Wantang was at best somewhat mentally unstable.
"So, honey, tell me, why did you suddenly want to quit? Did someone cause you trouble? Don't worry, just tell me, I'll kick their asses for you."
Ah, I know, is that brat Alexei bothering you again? I'll give him a good beating.
As she spoke, Catherine was about to rush outside.
Ning Wantang quickly grabbed Catherine, waving her hands repeatedly, "No, no, Teacher Catherine, please listen to me..."
It must be said that Catherine has a lot of experience in comforting people.
After all that fuss, Ning Wantang actually felt much more relaxed.
"Ms. Catherine, I don't think I'm good enough for this role."
"Why? We haven't even started, how can I already feel like I'm not up to the task?"
"I have never had any acting experience... In addition, as you said, teacher, we haven't even started yet, and the scale of the preparations for filming is already so grand. I feel that I really cannot bear such a heavy responsibility."
I'm not afraid of you laughing at me, but I never really wanted to be an actor, let alone a superstar. You could say I've never had that ambition. Someone like me, a half-baked amateur...
Ning Wantang's voice gradually lowered.
She was prepared to be scolded by Catherine.
But Catherine just smiled at her and said nothing.
Even Ning Wantang didn't know what to say. The atmosphere had become awkwardly quiet, but Catherine still didn't say a word.
Helpless and tormented by the atmosphere, Ning Wantang could only take the initiative to speak: "Professor Catherine, are you also disappointed in me?"
To everyone's surprise, Catherine looked at her with a look of astonishment: "Child, are your parents very disappointed in you?"
"No." Ning Wantang was taken aback, wondering why Catherine asked that.
"Even your parents weren't disappointed in you, so what right do I have to be disappointed in you?" Catherine stubbed out her cigarette, walked to her desk, and took a document from her drawer.
"As for your statement just now, in my opinion, you are simply the most suitable actress for this show."
As she spoke, Catherine handed the documents in her hand to Ning Wantang.
"Chu Kong Show" program plan.
This was the first time Ning Wantang had seen Chu Kong's name.
She opened the document and began to read it carefully.
This report is still in the preliminary planning stage. It basically only contains information about Chu Kong's life and the overall operation of the program, but there is no information about the program content.
"Is this... a variety show?"
"Live broadcast," Catherine corrected.
"So, is everything written here true? He'll be living his life live without ever knowing it?"
Ning Wantang was filled with fear and shock, and her voice trembled slightly.
Catherine, however, spoke as if it were a trivial matter: "Yes, everything written here is true."
"What? How could you do this? What's the difference between this and keeping animals in captivity?"
For some reason, Ning Wantang subconsciously began to empathize with the protagonist.
It was as if she herself was the poor caged bird.
Overwhelmed by her emotions, she couldn't help but shed tears.
"Oh, my dear, do you really know what life is like for a poor, all-children child?"
Catherine took out a piece of paper and handed it to Ning Wantang, but Ning Wantang kept her head down, as if she hadn't seen it, and didn't reach out to take it.
Catherine remained in that position and continued, "You have to understand, without this show, he would be struggling financially and might drop out of school. After all, he doesn't have much education or work experience, and he would most likely only be able to do odd jobs to make a living."
In such a life, he has absolutely no ability to withstand risks, whether it's getting a serious illness, making a bad friend, or encountering an accident.
Anything that happens could take his life at any moment.
But this show will change everything. This show will give him a brand new life, and everything that ordinary people can only dream of. He is actually the luckiest person the world has ever seen before.
Catherine spoke slowly, gently taking Ning Wantang's hand and placing the tissue in her hand into Ning Wantang's.
Ning Wantang then realized that she had somehow looked up and met Teacher Catherine's eyes.
Teacher Catherine's words made Ning Wantang waver.
"But...this is too...cruel. Is it really right to manipulate other people's lives so wantonly?"
She gripped the tissue tightly in her hand and questioned him in a weak voice.
"That's life, darling." Catherine pursed her lips. "Although I'm not an elitist, I've lived for over fifty years and have a very clear understanding of how the world works."
The protests of the weak are of no use.
Take this child as an example; he might not even know what's happening to him.
Catherine pointed to Chu Kong's name on the Chu Kong Show with her finger.
"Therefore, only when you are strong enough and have enough authority will people listen to you calmly."
If you can't stand all of this, then you should definitely join this show.
As you've seen, the most important commercial requirement for this show is authenticity, so you don't need to treat it as a drama at all; just treat it as real life.
As soon as she finished speaking, Ning Wantang was completely moved by Catherine's words.
Her heart was pounding so hard that she had never experienced anything like it before.
A poor boy, whose life trajectory will be closely related to my every move.
Once such a thought is planted, it becomes unstoppable.
If Ning Wantang had never cared about anything in her past life...
So it could also be said that Ning Wantang never felt that she was that important in her entire life.
Even with her parents, Ning Wantang did not doubt their love for her, but she did not feel that she was indispensable to them.
But on this day, Ning Wantang felt that she might be indispensable to this complete stranger.
"So, you can think about it again. I will reserve your right to withdraw, after all, you are my favorite student."
Catherine's words brought Ning Wantang, who was caught up in a surge of emotions, back to reality.
"No need, Ms. Catherine, I've made up my mind." Ning Wantang was more determined and more motivated than ever before.
Her resolute expression surprised Catherine: "Alright, it seems you've decided to withdraw. That's fine, but you have to keep it a secret..."
"No, Ms. Catherine," Ning Wantang interrupted Catherine, "I will participate in this program."
"Um... okay?"
Ning Wantang walked out of her office amidst Catherine's astonished gaze.
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The period that followed was arguably the most fulfilling time Ning Wantang had ever experienced since birth.
She had never realized that striving towards a goal felt like this.
Her entire motivation came from the poor boy in the file.
In matters related to "Chu Kong Show," Ning Wantang, who already possessed remarkable focus, demonstrated an even more outstanding learning ability.
She not only focused on learning about acting and life skills, but also learned about driving, cooking, and even gardening, skills that might come in handy in the future.
Whenever she had free time, she would take out Chu Kong's file and familiarize herself with its contents.
Even when she's just sitting around in a daze, she can't help but imagine what Chu Kong is doing.
Seeing their daughter's serious expression, Ning Wantang's parents didn't think much of it, only teasing her a couple of times when she mentioned Chu Kong every three sentences.
"Oh, our eldest daughter's mind is full of other people's boys."
"Girl, you haven't even met this child yet and you've already fallen for him?!"
But in any case, it was just a joke.
Ning Wantang could only deny it with a flushed face.
Perhaps even she herself didn't know what kind of emotion it was.
The sense of responsibility one feels when knowing that the other person's fate is inextricably linked to one's every move?
Ning Wantang couldn't understand it, and didn't want to think about it.
More often than not, she would hallucinate that Chu Kong was a naive and ignorant child of about five or six years old following behind her.
She is his older sister and has to protect him during the dangerous live stream.
That's roughly the feeling.
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It seemed like only a blink of an eye; before the cicadas' chirping during the auditions had even finished playing their summer symphony, the north wind had already brought its own tune, signaling the start of the show.
A month before filming began, Ning Wantang arrived in an unfamiliar city called Yulan, arranged by Catherine.
What made her even more amused and exasperated was that she actually had to go back to high school again.
In the production team's design, she repeated a year due to illness, and other information was no different from her life story.
Even his mother was transferred to work in Yulan, though not at Yulan Middle School.
Stepping back onto campus once again, Ning Wantang's feelings were undoubtedly complex.
For her, her previous school was much tougher than Yulan Middle School, which was purely for college entrance exams, so her high school life there was undoubtedly arduous.
Who knew that before I could even enjoy a few days of the relatively relaxed and comfortable university life, I would have to go back to this terrifying place again.
Fortunately, Yulan Middle School is much easier in comparison.
Because the student body is of high caliber, and the students here have an incredibly strong ability to learn independently, the school's policies are relatively lenient.
This relieved her.
Sitting in the classroom again to listen to the lecture, Ning Wantang couldn't help but have a strange feeling.
However, she had only been in university for half a year and hadn't forgotten all of her high school knowledge, so it was relatively easy for her.
After getting to know them, Ning Wantang had a general idea of the situation in the class.
There were a few students in the class who, like me, were actors assigned by the production company, while most of the other students were already enrolled here.
With her stunning looks and professional skills, Ning Wantang successfully joined a small group of students from the school’s indigenous community.
Ji Ran was one of them.
Instead of doing anything rashly in advance, she decided to be true to herself, just as Catherine had suggested.
Until she received the first message from the production company.
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"Teacher Catherine, why did you lie to me?" The girl's voice was choked with sobs as she asked a heartbroken question to the other end of the ocean through the phone receiver.
She was fully prepared to welcome this imaginary younger brother.
She had clearly planned to get along well with this poor boy.
The production company's orders easily shattered all of the girl's fantasies.
[Approach transfer student Chu Kong. Play a kind, cheerful girl of the same age who harbors a budding affection for him. Gain his trust, his habituation, and ultimately... his love for you. As instructed by the production team, the relationship ultimately 'breaks down.']
"What's wrong, my dear child?" Catherine's voice was full of surprise.
But Ning Wantang didn't know whether she should trust her again, after all, she was not only a world-class director, but also a top-notch actress.
Ning Wantang suddenly realized that there was no difference between reality and acting.
"You already knew, didn't you? About the script."
Ning Wantang's voice suddenly turned cold. She felt that this teacher, with whom she had spent several months, was so unfamiliar.
"I know." Catherine's voice was as calm as a still lake, still gentle.
"Then why did you lie to me? Why did you tell me things like 'Just treat it as real life'?"
A moment of silence.
"I'm sorry, darling, I did hide this from you."
Ning Wantang's last glimmer of hope vanished.
She had hoped to hear Catherine say "I don't know," even if it meant deceiving herself, she wanted to hear that answer.
Catherine didn't avoid the question or make excuses; instead, she accepted it openly and honestly.
Why did you do that?
In her pain, the girl closed her eyes.
"You know what, child, you are my proudest student, even though you are not famous yet."
Every time I see you, I am reminded of what I was like when I was young.
The reason I kept these things from you was simply because I really wanted to see how you performed on this show.
You can say that I sacrificed you to satisfy my own artistic pursuits, or you can blame me for using any means to achieve my goals.
But I think this show is the perfect stage for you.
As for that script.
Admittedly, the show itself needs dramatic tension, so a captivating script is indeed crucial.
But for you, I think that script is irrelevant.
Do you remember what I said?
That's life, my dear.
I don't expect your forgiveness, because I'm the one who did wrong.
However, I still hope you can forgive me.
I look forward to your performance.
After saying this, Catherine hung up the phone decisively.
The cold wind rustled the leaves, and in the desolation of winter, the girl seemed lost in thought.